Is it Better to Have Many or Few Close Friends?

With Elliot & Stella

---

Is having a big ‘friend group’ always as good as it seems?

I've found that in big friend groups, especially in school, when it's just one group of people that are stuck together every day doesn’t end well. Usually, everyone has their favourites and everyone has such a different personality that they will disagree frequently.

And because you’ll be stuck with some people that you don't get along with because they are within the same group as the people you’re close with. The saying goes with people too, quantity doesn't always mean quality.

It's obviously possible to have a group of people that all get along with each other, but it's not necessarily as perfect as it looks from the outside as there is often so much hidden drama occurring.

You have a bigger support system but not neccesarily the strongest friendships, which is what matters most.

It can be exhausting having so many friends, especially if some are difficult to be around, and having to maintain so many different connections is difficult if you are all spending time together.

Can fewer friends mean stronger friendships?

I think yes, because you'll be able to spend so much more time getting to know a few people and will have so much less other social dramas. And I think you just have a stronger friendship in a small group and there won’t be as many underlying issues.

I think that's super true if you can find the right people, but if you only have a small friend group, it also means if you just don't really get along super well, then you’re stuck with them. And even if you're not close with everyone, it's still important to have more distant friends that you can still have good conversations with.

Yeah, and your support system might feel like limited or smaller with your friends if you have a smaller friend group. So you feel like you need to become really close with them.

Does everyone need to have good friends?

I think you do because it just creates less stress in your life as you can talk about your issues, you feel understood and accepted and it can make many things more enjoyable. It also creates so many opportunities to make important happy memories and have so much fun.

Yeah, but what about introverted people? It seems like they don’t need to be around people to function, and would rather spend their spare time alone. And like, do you think you need good friends?

Well I’m happy to be on my own if I don’t have good friends, but if I did have actually good friends I would spend so much more time with them and worry about my studies so much less.

How important is it to have different types of friends?

I think different types of friends you get different experiences, different views, and different perspectives, and you have more support in different ways. It gives you opportunities to have so many different types of conversations, and go out and do different things depending on the person.

Yeah, and you might not be able to talk about some things comfortably with some people so you need to have others who you can talk to for different things.

How important is it to understand different levels of friendship?

There are different circles, yes, in the centre is the closest people in your life followed by others who you still like to catch up with, then people who you will spend time with at places such as work or school, there are those who you will talk to occasionally, but you still like to be around. Understanding and being able to have this can make your life so much better socially as each level is important in its own way. You don’t have to be extremely close with everyone you know, and that’s okay.

Exactly, because if you only have a few people, then if you have a falling out, you're alone. And if you can understand how important it is to have different levels, then you can work towards having that and knowing where you stand with different people. A quote that I heard once that stuck with me is “There are three types of friends. Friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends for life” (written by poet Brian A. “Drew” Chalker). That really makes sense to me. All types of friendships have a purpose.

And you can your social battery is a factor as people that you are closest with won’t take up much of your energy to be around, but those who you're less close with can still be nice to spend a bit of time around.